MARCO'S BASEBALL BLOG-O-ROONIE: LIFE IS HARD WHEN YOU'RE DUMB

MARCO'S BASEBALL BLOG-O-ROONIE:

LIFE IS HARD WHEN YOU'RE DUMB!

Like the song says:

“Life is hard...but it's hardest...when you're dumb.

Inside your head...a dark and silent...vac-u-um.

If there's a blank behind your face,

Why not rent out the extra space?

Life is hard...but life is hardest...

When you're dumb!”

In this issue we recognize outstanding achievements in baseball dumbness (Dumbitude?) It should make for an interesting entree into the season as we prepare for our official predictions next blog.

BOSTON WRETCHED SOX: We begin with the all time champions. That's right, proud owners of the all time dumbest move in baseball history...this is the team that owned Babe Ruth...and sent him to the New York Yankees!

Ruth was the greatest power hitter baseball had ever seen, the best drawing card in baseball history and the best leftie pitcher in the American League to boot. THE RED SOX KNEW THIS! He was just entering his prime in 1920 when the Sox got rid of him. Consequences? Ruth is still the greatest offensive player baseball has ever had. Also the greatest drawing card. He started a Yankee dynasty and initiated 86 years of Boston futility.

They traded Zeus!

Step right up, Red Sox! You have Pride of Position in our examination of more recent dumbness.

CHERINGTON BITES THE DUST: After being declared the newest genius general manager for stocking the club with bit players and afterthoughts like Shane Victorino and Kojie Uehara and winning a World Series with them in 2013, Ben Cherington finished last in 2014 and panicked.

The whole idea about not spending money on high-priced free agents in 2013 was to bridge the gap for all these great young players the Sox had in their system. So for 2015

the Sox offered their Ace pitcher John Lester half of what he was worth on the market and then traded him. Then they went out and gave Rick Porcello...a number 3 at best... a long term contract at a high price sight unseen. Then Cherry went out and hired two free agents...Hanley Ramirez and Pablo Sandoval.

By the All-Star game Porcello had an ERA of 5.90. They tried to make Hanley a left-fielder and he couldn't make even basic plays and lost them many games until he got hurt and was a liability the rest of the year. Pablo had about the worst WAR per salary dollar in the league for any position player!

The worst thing was not just finishing last again. It's that now you have Sandoval and Ramirez blocking great young players who could be helping the team. Moncada, Travis Shaw and Rafael Devers are all waiting in the wings but they have to watch Sandoval and Ramirez and their bloated contracts make the Boston infield the worst in the league defensively.

Bye Bye Ben Cherington! Don't let the door hit you on the way out!

NEW YORK BLOATED OLDIES: The Yankees kept giving obscene contracts to older players until they have a roster full of huge financial liabilities who can't even play because they're hurt all the time.

C.C.Sabathia is owed big piles of cash and has almost nothing left...except years to go on his contract. $50 million for 2 more years.

Texiera actually had a good power year with 31 jacks in 392 at bats but of course got hurt again and can't really do anything but hit an occasional bomb over the little league fence the Yanks have in right field. $22 million for 1 more year.

Beltran is a statue in right field. $30 mil for 2 more years.

Ellsbury...who everybody knew was a major injury-prone-type player whose major asset was speed when they got him started getting hurt and lost his speed and now is a below average player owed big gobs of moolah. For what? $110 million for 5 more years.

Brian McCann is an aging catcher on the DL a lot. Big contract. $66 million for 4 years.

Tanaka has a frayed rubber band for an elbow. Owed $111 million for 5 more years.

And of course, the Pillar of Dumb...the Yankees gave ARod a TEN YEAR EXTENSION for $275 million when he was already 32 and a known lying steroid cheat. $40 million for 2 more years.

Even for the Big-spending Yankees, that's a crippling amount of money tied up in no longer prime productive players. They've got no one but themselves to blame.

TAMPA BAY WRONGS: The Rays built themselves a ballpark in a location where their fans wouldn't go and ...surprise! They didn't draw. Even when they finished first they only drew 1.8 million. Now they're down to 1.2 million. Welcome to the world of Dumb, Rays!

TORONTO BLOG JADEDS:

JOEY “BAT-SHIT” BAUTISTA announced just before entering this, his last contracted season, that he would not be giving any home-town discounts to the Jays and intimated he would be expecting around $200 million and a six or seven year contract when he entered free agency.

Bautista is now 35! That means this mythical contract would last until he was age 42 or so. Given the recent history of players over 37 falling off the table production-wise, does he really think he's going to be offered a contract like that by anybody? (Correct answer: NOT!)

Hope you're happy in your wonderful bat-flipping bat-shit world Jose!

WASHINGTON GNASHINALS: This whole team has an aura of Supreme Dumbness...they dump Hershey's chocolate syrup over each other to celebrate their rare victories.

But the top dumb move ever may have been shortstop Ian Desmond turning down a $107 million contract extension for five years from the team in 2014. In 2015 he had a terrible season defensively and the offer was pulled. Then he turned down the qualifying offer of $16 mil for one year and turned into a free agent. The only offer he got was $8 million to play left field for one year for the Rangers.

You better talk to your agent again, Ian. You are now no longer a shortstop and you are about $100 million dollars poorer. That's some great bargaining there!

MIAMI MUCH MALIGNED MARLINS: They hired Don Mattingly to upgrade the poisonous atmosphere in the clubhouse and then went out and got Mr. Toothache Barry Bonds to “help” him with the hitters. One thing or the other, Miami!

MINNESOTA TWINKERBELLES: In 2010 catcher Joe Mauer hit .365 for the Twinks with 28 homers and 96 RBIs. The Twins decided to make him the face of the franchise and gave him an 8 year contract for $187 million...insuring he'd be on their team at least until 2018 when he would be 35.

Then they moved the team into outdoor Target Field where Joe couldn't reach the fences. Since then, in 6 seasons Mauer has hit only another 47 homers. So you take the primary offensive force on your club and put him where he can't succeed. Now Joe is no longer a full time catcher and is a no-power first baseman for the rest of his career. That's real dumb, Twinkers!

Actually the Twinks sacrificed the best home field advantage in baseball...playing at the nasty, loud old Metro Baggie-Dome... and got a brand spanking new park where they don't win as much. Onward, Twinkards, onward!

MILWAUKEE ABUSERS: Ah yes, the fabulous team from Wisconsin. They failed to recognize that they needed to rebuild, then when they did it was too late to get rid of the thorn under their saddle...Ryan Braun. Ryan is a player who can no longer avoid injuries now that his system is...ahem...let's say less bolstered? So the Brewers are entering Rebuild Hell slowly...sacrificing players like Gomez, Segura and Lucroy (he may be going to Texas) in a slow bleed while they have to keep smiling as they send Braun out there day after day to be the face of a dishonored franchise.

LOS ANGELES ANGST-ANGELS: Signed Josh Hamilton to a huge contract, knowing he was a frequent wagon-faller-offer and injury certainty. Then when Josh got hurt and depressed and was playing badly and started to hit the pipe again were shocked, shocked to discover he wasn't a reliable bet. So they ship him back to Texas and are still paying his whole salary!!! (Actually, Texas gives him about $8 million for three years while LA pays the other $63 million or so.)

That means LA will have paid $93 million for Josh to play two years for them where he played in 240 games and hit 31 homers total. And they are paying $63 MILLION so he can now play for their division rivals for three years!

I root for Josh to come back and redeem his career....but I can recognize supreme dumbness when I see it and the Angels just won the booby prize.

SEATTLE SUPERSONICS....nope, that's not right...Mariners, right?

I mean SEATTLE MARINATORS: Why did they think Robbie Cano would be just as productive at Safeco Field in his thirties as he was in his twenties at that New York Yankee bandbox? The only thing the same about Cano is his penchant for jogging to first on any groundball. Oh well, they needed a big name to bring in the fans.

Enjoy your money Robbie. Mariners, why don't you study the KC Royals if you want to build a winning team in a pitcher's park?

OAKLAND PATHETICS: I hate to sound like a broken record, but that Josh Donaldson trade was really dumb!

LOS ANGELES DRUDGERS: They don't have a lot of star power for the most expensive team in baseball. They do have probably the top farm system of anybody though so I guess they aren't THAT dumb...except for trading Dee Gordon who turned into a batting champion, Gold Glove second baseman who also led the league in steals. That's a lot of dumb to trade a player like that.

SAN DIEGO PUTRIDS: Where to start? Start anywhere....they just haven't figured it out yet.

COLORADO CROCKIES: How long does it take to figure out that the only pitchers who will succeed at Mile High Stadium are big power strikeout pitchers or sinker ball specialists. The Rocks just keep getting guys in the middle somewhere who get killed.

They're never going to get big free agent pitchers to sacrifice themselves on the Altar of High Elevation Doom that is Mile High, but couldn't they at least develop those kinds of pitchers down on the farm? Nope.

“Life is hard...but it's hardest...when you're dumb.”

So just sit back...and smoke a bowl...of opium.

If being stupid is your fate,

Just relax cause it's too late.

Life is hard...but it's hardest...when you're dumb!”

Next issue: SPRING PREDICTIONS: FINAL VERSION.