MARCO’S
BASEBALL BLOG-O-ROONIE 2019:
THE BEACHMASTER
Having
had two knee replacements this year, I have had an inordinate amount
of time to lie on my butt in my big bed (equipped with one of those
remotes that you can raise and lower your head and feet with)
watching all kinds of cable TV and movies and baseball games and
documentaries and such. I also got addicted to all those animal
planet type shows. “Cannibal Lions of the Savannah”, “Killer
Baboons of the Southern Veldt”, “What? Giraffe Again?! (a Hyena’s
Journey)”...You know the kind.
One
of my favorites is called African Murder Mysteries or something like
that where it starts with a dead animal lying in the dirt and then
makes you guess among four suspects who the killer was. There’s a
dead lion cub...he either screwed up on a buffalo hunt, ate porcupine
quills by mistake, pissed off a solitary male lion who killed him so
as to bring his mother into breeding heat again, (lions are kind of
funky fathers) or succumbed to Climate Change. (Everything gets
blamed on Climate Change these days. It turns out the cub was helping
the pride bring down a cape buffalo and got his head stomped by a
buffalo hoof...but the buffalo was driven mad by Climate
Change!)
In
one episode, they featured a dead male hippo lying in the shallow
water of the waterhole (shockingly shallow water because of
Climate Change!..okay I’ll stop.) The murderer wasn’t a lion,
wasn’t a crocodile, wasn’t a confused elephant in rut...it was
...THE BEACHMASTER!
The
Beachmaster is what they call the Alpha Hippo male who runs the herd
(a harem of female hippo beauties and their many offspring who are
off limits to all other male hippos). The Beachmaster is one big ass
hippo with enormous canine tusks about a foot and a half long who can
literally chomp a crocodile in half. The dead hippo was trying to put
his humongous hippo hingus into one of the girl-hippos (they do it
under water) and so the Beachmaster bit his head and drowned him.
Instant
metaphor! The BEACHMASTER is the New York Yankees, the dead
hippo is the Boston Red Sox and I guess that would make the
girl-hippo the American League pennant.
The
Yankees are traditionally strong enough every year to at least
contend...but this year they have outdone themselves. They have
somehow transitioned from a bunch of old players with great last
decade resumes but what-have-you-done-for-me-lately recent stats into
a young team with 1 to 9 home run threats, batting champs, rookies of
the year and multiple MVP candidates. Not to mention the world’s
best bullpen. They have been so good that they lost almost their
entire starting lineup and half their starting rotation and a couple
of phenomenal relievers and GOT BETTER. That’s because they have
one of the deepest farm systems in the game and a general manager who
knows how to pick players and could give a shit how much money he
spends to get whoever he wants to bolster the roster.
Really...when
has this ever happened? Within the first few weeks of the season the
Yanks had lost their starting shortstop (Gregorius), back up
shortstop (Tulowitzki), third baseman (Andujar), first
baseman (Bird), catcher (Sanchez), centerfielder
(Hicks), right fielder (Judge) and DH (Stanton).
Half of those guys were All Stars last year. They also lost their
number one starter (Severino), their two and three starters
for a month or so (Sabathia and
Paxton) and number two reliever (Betances) plus a whole
lot of other players. And they’ve won 57 out of 86 games in the
first half.
I
know I’ve been talking about this a lot lately but it’s really
kind of astounding when you stop and think about it. I think the
Yankees have exploited the prevailing paradigm...if you have a roster
that has...say...three guys in a row hit singles you score one run.
If you have three guys come to the plate and two of them strike out
but one gets a home run you still score one run...but if anybody else
is on base you get two or three. And because everybody in your lineup
can hit homers, they also tend to get walked a lot by gun-shy
pitchers. That means a lot of guys on base for the frequent home
runs.
The
Yankees...featuring a lineup of mostly cast-offs (Luke Voit),
semi-rookies (Gleyber Torres) and converted journeymen (Gio
Ursela) have hit 147 home runs in the first half...that’s on a
record-breaking pace. The record was set last year by the Yankees
with 267 homers. This year 7 teams have at least 140 home runs
already, putting all of them on a pace to break the record. 7
teams! The Minnesota Twins have hit 165 4 baggers, on a
pace for about 310-320 for the season. That record for most
homers/season/team has gone up by 2 or 5 homers or so whenever it has
been reset. Now we’re going to see a jump of 50 in one year? The
thirty Major League baseball teams hit an all-time record of 5585
round trippers last season, 2018. That record is probably going to be
beat by over 1000 home runs. We’re going to have at least 25-30
men with at least 40 home runs and probably over 50 hit at least 30
home runs for the year.
This
is a freakish reinvention of our national game. Just thought you’d
like to know.
So
here’s the Major League Dangerous Animal rundown:
BEACHMASTER:
New York Yankees (Yes, I know...hippos can’t be the very top
of the dangerous animal list as long as elephants are still around,
but in my opinion no current team is so strong as to qualify for the
“Bull Elephant” metaphorical designation. That would be reserved
for all time strong teams like the ‘26-’28 Yankees, the
‘29-31 Athletics, the
‘36-’39 Yankees, the
‘54 Indians, the
‘55 Dodgers, the ‘61
Yankees, ‘68 Tigers, ‘70-’72 Athletics, ‘75-’76 Reds, ‘98
Yankees, ‘01 Mariners, and
maybe the ‘18 Red Sox.)
APEX
PREDATORS: (Lion) Houston Astros. They may even be able to
knock off the hippo. Their starting pitching is even better and if
Altuve and Springer
can stay healthy and Correa come back sometime, we may see the
‘Stros triumphant once again.
(Crocodile)
Los Angeles Dodgers. They’ve won 60 games but they seem
stronger than they really are because the National League is much
weaker than the competition in the AL where the Yanks and Astros
operate. The NL West is especially weak this year and that’s where
the Dodgers make hay. Still, 5 walkoffs in a row? Bellinger
hitting .341 with 30 dings? You’ve got to notice things like that.
They need to get some help for Kenley Jansen in their bullpen.
SECOND
TIER PREDATORS: (Leopard) Minnesota Twins. They had an
awesome first half and will probably break the record for most homers
by one team in a season. They are being led by their young stars
Buxton in center, Polanco at shortstop and Max
Kepler in right. Their pitching staff strikes out 3 times more
batters than they walk.
(African
Wild Dog) Atlanta Braves. They piddled around early in the
season but now they’ve taken over the NL East. Led by Freeman,
Acuna and their Keystone Combo of Dansby Swanson and
Ozzie Albies, the Braves are hitting. Josh Donaldson and
Austin Riley are lengthening that lineup and Mike Soroka
is the surprise Ace.
LURKERS
IN THE BUSH: (Cape Buffalo. Don’t wake them up!) Washington
Nationals. They’ve been tearing up the league lately after a
miserable start. The main reason to beware of this team? Those three
starting pitchers Scherzer, Strassburg and
Corbin. Who wants to face that trio in the Playoffs?
(Rhino)
Boston Red Sox. Yeah, I know, they got disemboweled by the
Beachmaster in London. What a slaughter! They’ve exhausted their
bullpen. The starters are only good for 5 innings...even Sale and
Price. If they’re serious about contending this year, they have
to do something radical...like trade for help. They have the offense
clicking again, but you can’t win if your offense has to come up
with 8 runs every game just to stay in it.
(Cheetah)
Oakland A’s. Once they get started, they’re fast enough to
run anybody down. And every year about this time, the A’s wake up
and start bashing the ball all over the creaky old Coliseum and
moving up the standings. They seem to make the Wild Card every year.
They might win that play-in game one of these seasons.
A
BITE IN THE NIGHT: (Black Mamba) Tampa Rays. You don’t
see them in the tall grass, but you step on them at your peril.
They’ve got the best rotation in the AL East and they keep winning
at a good clip. If one of the powerful teams slumps, the Rays will
slip in there and do their thing.
(Honey
Badger) Cleveland Indians. No matter how many times you beat
them down, they’re always ready to fight. Honey Badger don’t
care! The strength of their team was their pitching staff and this
year it’s been hit hard by injuries. Kluber, Carrasco and
Clevinger have all had health concerns. Their offensive leader
has been Carlos Santana. He’s an All Star! Who would have
guessed? Lindor is playing well after his early season stint
on the IL, but Jose Ramirez has been in a slump all year. He’s
hitting .217 at the break. That’s a phenomenal drop in production.
And still, the Indians have won 50 games and are a solid second in
the AL Central. They are ahead of the A’s, Rangers and Red
Sox for a Wild Card.
SCAVENGERS:
(Hyenas, Jackals, Vultures, Storks etc.) Philadelphia Phillies.
The Harper Hype has been embarrassing. This player is talented
and hustles, but he can’t seem to learn that he’s not going to
get fastballs in the zone, so he invariably gets two strikes on him
and then swings at some funky slider two feet outside. Who is the
batting coach on the Phillies?
Arizona
Diamondbacks. Another team living on scraps that the real killers
leave lying around. Most of us are surprised they’ve been doing as
well as they have, with a winning record and all, but to what can
they reasonably aspire this season? I would say keeping their fan
base, and that’s more than a lot of these rebuilding teams are
doing.
The
entire NL Central. You know when the lions leave the dead carcass
of the zebra lying there and go lie under an acacia tree with
distended bellies and all the scavengers start ripping at the zebra
and each other? That’s what’s happening in the Central. It’s
really interesting in a baseball sense because one of these teams has
to win the division and go to the Playoffs. We used to think the Cubs
were the class of this division until the Brewers embarrassed
them last year. This club has had strong offense from Rizzo,
Bryant, Baez and
Contreras, but their pitching has cratered. They’re hoping that
picking up Craig Kimbrel will have a positive ripple effect,
but without Cole Hamels and an effective John Lester and
, the Cubs are just chewing the bones.
The
St. Louis Cardinals were supposed to come back strong after a
few wretched seasons but it looks like they’ve got a long term
problem with the pitching staff. Constant injuries have worn down
their famous depth and they just don’t have the horses any more.
Their closer, Jordan Hicks...he of the 105 mph fastball...has
succumbed to the same fate of so many other young fireballers...the
dreaded Tommy John elbow. Goldschmidt, Ozuna and
Carpenter were supposed to carry the offense, but even though the
first two started well, Goldy has gone cold and Ozuna is out for a
long spell with two broken fingers. (He was their only player with an
.800 plus OPS.) Their future Hall of Fame catcher Yadier Molina
has a bad thumb. And now Carpenter has a bad back. It’s really very
sad.
Carpenter
was responsible for one of my favorite moments of the season so far.
Facing a heavy shift against his lefty bat, Matt...who is only
batting .216 this year...bunted for a double down the third base
line. It wasn’t even a close play! They should beam that replay
into every locker room in baseball.
Milwaukee
Brewers. The offense is Grandal, Moustakas and
Yelich. Period. Nobody else is functioning and former worthies
Jesus Aguilar and
Cain have been ineffective for long stretches. Travis Shaw,
who has been a dependable 30 homer/100 rbi bat and good infielder for
them, has hit .164 for the Brewskies this year and has been banished
to the minors. And the pitching? It’s Woodruff, Hader...and
Later!
Pittsburgh
Pirates. Wouldn’t it be unexpected and marvelous if the
much-despised Pirates rose up and took control of this division? Well
it could happen. They’re in fourth place but only 2.5 games back.
They’ve had more than their share of major injuries to
starters...Polanco, Cervelli, Taillon...and the starting
staff, which was supposed to be their strength, has under-performed
by quite a lot. So how have they stayed in the hunt? Offense! This
team leads the NL with a .270 average...that includes all those
feeble pitchers who have to hit in the senior circuit. And Josh
Bell. He’s having an epic season (27 homers/87 rbi’s!) and
with a little help from young hitters like LF Bryan Reynolds
(.339), SS Kevin Newman (.324), and 3B Colin Moran
(.290), Bell is launching this team into the race like one of his
long blasts into the Allegheny River. Willie Stargell….where
are you Pops?
Cincinnati
Reds. Wouldn’t it be unexpected and marvelous if the
much-despised Reds...Oh. Wait a minute while I come up with a new
line...The Redlegs are only 4.5 games back despite hitting .236 this
season. They have the best starters in this division. What if they
start to hit? Well Dietrich has 18 dings, Suarez and
Puig have 20 each and Votto is up to .271 after enduring
the worst slump of his life. What if?…
GAME
ANIMALS: (Kudu, Eland, Sable ) Chicago White Sox, Texas, Los
Angeles Angels, San Diego Padres, Colorado Rockies. They can run
a little bit and they have big horns but unless you’re in the NL
Central a .500 record won’t get it done this year.
MEAT
ON THE HOOF: (Zebra, Wildebeest, Warthogs) Toronto, Baltimore,
Detroit, Kansas City, Seattle, New York Mets, Miami, San Francisco.
Basically, they’re just running around waiting to get eaten.
A
BASEBALL STORY:
If
you want to make some money, bet your Baseball Pals on this question:
Who was the only player ever to hit a walk-off home run to win a
pennant in the regular season? (Bobby Thompson, Chris
Chambliss, Aaron Boone and Maglio Ordonez did it in the Playoffs,)
Here’s THE ANSWER: (borrowed from Baseball Egg)
Milwaukee is a great baseball city,
their fans love the game even though their Brewers have never won a
World Series and only once have advanced to the Fall Classic. But
there was a great team in “Suds City” long before the Brewers
ever took the field, a team that would have made “The Fonz”
proud. The golden era of big league baseball in Milwaukee was the
1950s, a decade that many experts feel is the best in baseball
history. Milwaukee boasted the Braves, one of the NL’s most
exciting teams with sluggers Henry Aaron and Eddie Mathews, not to
mention Joe Adcock, one of the strongest players in the game.
Even though the Brooklyn Dodgers and
New York Giants got most of the headlines (and pennants) in the NL in
the ’50s, the Braves gave them a run for their money. With their
formidable offense and great pitching staff led by Warren Spahn, Lew
Burdette, and Johnny Sain, Milwaukee finished in second place in
1953, 1955, and again in 1956, each time losing out to the Dodgers.
In ’56 they blew a 3 1/2 game September lead and were eliminated on
the final day of the season. They were determined to win the flag in
1957. On September 23, the Braves had a five-game lead with less than
a week left in the season and were at home facing the Cardinals. A
victory would clinch the pennant. The teams battled to a tie into
extra innings, Burdette tossing 10 innings and allowing just a pair
of runs. It was 2-2 in the bottom of the 11th and Billy Muffett was
on the mound for St. Louis. After getting an out, Muffett surrendered
a single to Johnny Logan. Mathews followed with a fly ball to center
for the second out. That brought up Aaron who had hit 42 homers
already and was on his way to winning his first MVP award. Aaron
swung at a Muffett fastball and belted it to center field, deep
beyond the wall. The crowd of more than 40,000 erupted as Hammerin’
Hank circled the bases for a 4-2, game-ending home run. The Braves
had clinched their first pennant in Milwaukee in just their fifth
season in the city. Aaron’s homer remains the only walkoff homer to
clinch a pennant in a regular season game, as opposed to a postseason
contest.
